123. From Showman to Speaker: Tom Elliott on Building Authentic Stage Presence Without Faking Extroversion

What if powerful communication wasn’t about being louder—but about being more you?

In this episode, Serena Low speaks with Tom Elliott—corporate event host, comedy magician, and public speaking coach—about how introverts and quiet achievers can communicate with confidence, clarity, and authenticity.

You’ll learn why you don’t need to perform extroversion to be impactful, how to become a memorable speaker, and practical techniques to manage nerves and trust your natural voice.

A grounded, encouraging conversation for introverted leaders who want to be seen, heard, and respected—without losing themselves.

In This Episode, We Explore

• Why great communication is not about being extroverted—but about being fully expressed
• The difference between being a good speaker and a memorable one
• How to identify and amplify your natural strengths on stage
• Why authenticity matters more than performance (especially for introverts)
• The hidden reason we cringe watching ourselves on video—and how to move past it
• A simple grounding technique to reduce nerves and build presence
• The power of a “through line” to make your message stick
• Why internalising your message (instead of memorising it) builds confidence
• How introverted leaders can show up powerfully without feeling exposed

Connect with Tom Elliott

• Public speaking coaching: From Showman to Speaker
• Corporate event hosting and keynote speaking

Website: https://hellotom.co.uk/
LinkedIn: Tom Elliott 

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Work With Serena

If you’re ready to become visible, respected, and promotable—without performing extroversion—explore Serena’s 1:1 coaching at serenalow.com.au.

Work with Serena Low at serenalow.com.au. 

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This episode was edited by Aura House Productions

Transcript

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Welcome And Meet Tom Elliott

SPEAKER_00 0:01

Today's guest is Tom Elliott, a corporate event host, comedy magician, and public speaking coach. Through his coaching program from showman to speaker, Tom helps leaders, founders, and entrepreneurs build confidence on stage and communicate with impact and creativity. Welcome Tom to the Quiet Warrior Podcast.

SPEAKER_01 0:22

Hi, Serena. How are you doing?

SPEAKER_00 0:23

Really well. So glad to have you here.

SPEAKER_01 0:26

It's great. It's great to join you. Looking forward to hopefully helping some of your Quiet Warriors, which by the way, I love, I love the title, Quiet Warriors. Love that.

SPEAKER_00 0:36

Thank you. I like it very much myself. My first question to you, though, I'm really curious. Professional journey-wise, how did you become a comedy magician?

SPEAKER_01 0:47

Sure. So I started out when I was in school. So first thing to say right at the beginning of this is that I'm I'm right in the middle between introvert and extrovert. And so it was kind of the interest in performing arts that kind of brought a little bit out of that extrovert side. So which I, by the way, I love my job because I get to an hour on stage where I'm the centre of attention, full-on extrovert, and then I get to have a nice long car journey home on my own, and I can stop at service stations and just chill for an hour on my own. So I love that. But I got started at school.

From School Magic To Corporate Events

SPEAKER_01 1:26

I teamed up with a friend who did magic, and uh we set up our own little kids' party business. Uh it wasn't very much. We only charged £30 an hour and we split that between us. So it wasn't the most profitable of enterprises, but uh we started doing children's parties all around uh Gloucestershire here in the UK, where I live, and uh and it was great fun. And we learned we learned the tools of the trade, if you like. We learned how to capture and engage an audience, uh, particularly kids. Can you imagine that? Hundreds of balloons everywhere, and you've got to try and keep these kids' attention. Um, and so and then it grew from there, really. Uh he and we we did that for a few years. It was in secondary school, so he went on and got a proper job. Uh, and I kind of continued using it and developed it. Uh, and now uh I guess I'm I host and entertain at corporate events like award ceremonies and gala's and uh annual dinners and that sort of thing. So uh it's been a journey, but uh I've loved it.

SPEAKER_00 2:24

It's definitely not the usual proper job kind of um journey, it's very interesting from uh the point of view, especially as you notice early on that you are an ambivalent. And that means you actually have the benefit of both sides of the spectrum. You have that extroverted side to you that loves interacting with people, and you also recognize that you need to recharge by yourself.

SPEAKER_01 2:48

100%. Uh, and I uh I admire those full-on extroverts. Don't you? I mean, imagine much of your audience would love to have the kind of energy and the enthusiasm. Uh I mean introverts can have enthusiasm, but um I think sometimes you look, you can look at an extrovert like a full-on extrovert and you think, ah, I'd love to keep going as far as much as they do. Uh, but uh actually that that that time alone for introverts is so important, and your audience will know this, but uh so key, and it and it's it is from that, I think, that enables good communication as an introvert, and we can get into that as we go, but um it's from that place that you can take that to the stage if you like.

SPEAKER_00 3:31

I'm very glad you said that early on in this conversation because a lot of introverts and quiet achievers think that there's something wrong with them because they spend more of their time listening than actually talking, and so what can happen, especially in the corporate world, is that they then feel unseen and overlooked

Amplify Who You Are On Stage

SPEAKER_00 3:50

and undervalued.

SPEAKER_01 3:52

Yeah, absolutely. And I and I also think I think one thing that I always say is that uh good communication or good stage presence uh isn't about being an extrovert. What it's about is taking who you are and uh turning it up, maximizing it so that it conveys and communicates to the audience the size that it is. So I always say to people, um don't become so I always say don't uh think about who you are as a person. So you want to be yourself. So I I do comedy and magic. When I when I was young, I was I got into acting a little bit, but acting is very different. You're big, you're trying to become somebody that you're not. When I'm on stage, even even in my comedy and magic kind of role, I don't want to become somebody else. I want to become who I want to be who I am, but on a on a level that the back row can understand and and appreciate that. So I always say to people, don't, don't think, oh, when I get on stage, I need to be an extrovert and and all kind of flamboyant and big and shouty. No, no, you don't need to do that. What you can do is you can be yourself. But what you do is you take all the qualities of who you are. So I always say, uh, when I'm coaching, I always say to get people thinking about what are the compliments that you've been given over the years? Uh, what are the things that people have said about you and your character that people have really recognized and appreciated about you? And so to give an example, and I don't want I don't want to sound um I don't want to sound uh arrogant here, okay? But uh one of the things people always said about me is Tom, you're quite joyful and happy. And so I used to, when I used to go to kind of youth camps and holidays uh as a young person, I used to wake up at seven o'clock sharing a dorm with friends, uh, wake up at 7 a.m. and all these other lads were like, oh this. And I was like, morning guys, let's go. Uh and the people would say, Tom, you're you're happy and you're energized for the day. And now what I've done is I've taken that as a natural compliment and I've turned it up a notch. So when I'm on stage, I think that's who I am. How can I convey that? So for you, it might be different. It I don't know if you can think of uh on the spot of a compliment that you've been given, or a uh people might say, Oh, uh Serena, you tell great stories, or Serena, you're uh you're someone that's so wise. I I love hearing kind of your experience and wisdom, or Serena, you're uh you're funny in a it in the way that you are, or whatever it might be. Think about the compliments that you've been given about your character, not about skills, but about your character and who you are, uh, and then think how can I carry that to stage in a way that is authentically me but big enough for the audience to get.

SPEAKER_00 6:38

I really love that. Really appreciate that, Tom. This idea of you can amplify who you are instead of pretending who you are not. So not putting on this fake persona, not trying hard to be somebody else. Because I think that internal in lack of congruence is going to reveal itself, it's gonna give us away, it's gonna show how uncomfortable we are, and so we can't carry it off properly anyway. I think it's so much better to conserve our energy by being ourselves. But you also said to amplify that, make it bigger, take it up a notch. And it's I can just picture this little dial and we just turn it up, you know, three, four, five, six to whatever level we feel is uh needed or needful in the moment for this particular audience that we're connecting with. So actually there is a thoughtfulness that goes along with the science of it, isn't it? Because we what we're trying to do is communicate in a way that people can appreciate. We're trying to bridge the gap between us and them so that they can have a great experience listening to whatever thing we are sharing with them. And we are sharing because we love talking about that topic. We know quite a bit about it, and we hope it's helpful to them. So let's meet in the middle, and we can do that by amplifying our quiet presence.

SPEAKER_01 7:54

Absolutely. Um, and the the as you say, the the other reason it's really important. So I I remember when going to see a speaker uh years and years ago, uh, and I saw him on stage, and he was amazing. He had the whole audience laughing, he was a big character, telling stories, uh, really meaningful points all the way through. And then a couple of uh years later, I I'd followed his journey, I'd seen him a few times. A couple of years later, I got to meet him and uh I'd managed to arrange uh a bit of time with him, uh, and I was supremely disappointed because I'd I'd I'd seen him on stage, I'd seen him, and he was amazing. Uh, and then when I met him, completely different character. Uh, and it felt like everything that I'd seen and admired on stage was was, it felt like a bit of a performance, a bit of an act. Uh, and actually, when when the time came that I sought some one-to-one time, one-to-one support with him and uh to kind of to learn from him one-to-one, it felt completely different. And I think it's really important if we are, whether we're selling something from stage or whether we're uh trying to uh help people from stage, whether if you're maybe if you're a coach and you're giving a keynote, uh, whatever it might be, what you want is when people come and see you afterwards and they're inspired by your talk, the last thing you want is for them to go away thinking, ah, all of a sudden they're they're not who I thought I saw on stage. Uh, because that really matters. If people are going to buy from us or engage with us in whatever form that is, it's really important that they they they know that we were authentic then and we're authentic now.

SPEAKER_00 9:29

I think that authenticity is so important, um, particularly for the quiet achievers. We we crave that. We we are very conscious of our values, very aware of them, and we want a way to get from here to there without having to pretend. Pretends is it exerts a huge mental toll on the person because you're always having to be hyper-vigilant and think, how should I perform, how should I speak, how should I act, so that they believe me. But if you're coming from that place of service, from being true to yourself, from being genuine, then you don't have to pretend. You don't have to carry that extra weight that is really unnecessary, and you don't have to worry about letting someone down because you are one way on stage and another way in person.

SPEAKER_01 10:14

Yeah, absolutely.

SPEAKER_00 10:17

So then what you're saying is

Learn Speaking By Doing And Failing

SPEAKER_00 10:20

public speaking, communication, anyone can learn this. You don't have to be born with it. It's not that some people just naturally have it.

SPEAKER_01 10:28

No, uh absolutely not. And I and I think uh so I mean my journey, the thing you have to be prepared for, and this applies to whether you're an extrovert or an introvert. The thing with public speaking is you can only really learn it by getting out and doing it. Sure, there's there's coaching available, like I I help people with it, and uh, sure you can learn some techniques, but nothing really prepares you for the reality of public speaking until you you've done it. Uh the thing about so I do I do comedy, uh, and there's a well-known comedian, celebrity comedian here in the UK called Milton Jones. Uh, and he does like one-liner jokes. Now, I've had the privilege and joy of knowing Milton over the last few years, and I went to meet with him once, and and he said, uh, I was I went to meet to learn as much as I could from him. And he said, the thing about comedy, Tom, is you have to be willing to fail in public. Uh, and it's the only way because you in comedy, you can think of the funniest thing, you can write it down, you can be so proud of yourself thinking I am the funniest person on the planet, and then you take it to an audience and it gets nothing. Uh, and then equally you can think, oh, this bit's rubbish, but I'll give it a go anyway, and then it gets the biggest laugh of them all. And then you can have one night which is amazing, and the next night you do the exact same joke in exactly the same way, and it gets a completely different response. Comedy is a very humbling thing, and it's this in some ways, you have to approach any sort of public speaking with the same mindset. But but again, I go back to the first point. It's not about whether you're introvert or extrovert that will make it successful, it's about the the techniques that you use and the uh and how you craft that presentation that will either engage or disengage the audience.

SPEAKER_00 12:11

It sounds to me like there is there are two parts. There is an art and a science to it. It sounds like the art part is uh the letting go, the being willing to actually go on stage and do the thing, even if it gives you anxiety and uh do your best while you're up there, knowing that it could fail or it could succeed really well. But then the science part sounds like the strategies you're talking about. And I know you work with founders who cringe watching themselves back on videos.

Beat Nerves With Grounded Body Language

SPEAKER_00 12:40

Now, why do you think that is so common and how do you help them move past it?

SPEAKER_01 12:45

I think the because we've it's very rare that we get to watch ourselves back on anything. We don't you don't sit and watch your social interactions on video. That that would be quite an alarming thing to do, wouldn't it? If you followed your life round on camera. But I think uh the reason we find it difficult is we is we begin to spot all of the things that we don't see when we're on stage presenting or when we're out and about. Um all of us have got kind of subconscious behaviours. Uh the I always say the the thing people do, I remember when I was in school, I was into the musical theatre. So our the school was known for its musical theatre productions, and I went from being a shy, in kind of very introverted child to still introverted in some ways, but having the confidence to take on some main roles. And and uh we had a proper uh typical stereotypical theatre director teacher called Roz. She loved her theatre. In fact, she worked part-time in order to spend the rest of the time producing the school productions, right? She and she got it to like West End Standard or Broadway standard, whatever you you might think of it. And uh it was amazing. But I remember I got to the main part, I got main role once, and we were practicing a scene, and uh she went, she screamed. She used to smoke about a million cigarettes a day, I'm sure. And uh she'd wander around and she she it you if she liked you, she liked you, and if she didn't like you, you knew about it, right? And uh she absolutely screamed, she said, Tom, what's those feet? And uh she came to the stage and she held my feet onto the stage, and it was a subconscious behavior, and a lot of people do this when they're nervous, or even if they don't feel nervous, that it sometimes it's a subconscious nervousness. They move their feet, they walk around, they'll swing their feet in the air, and other people there's all sorts of habits like this, but feet is quite a common one. Uh, and she held my feet to the stage and she said, now do it. And she literally, whatever I think I it was singing a song, and she made me sing the whole song without moving my feet at all. Uh and because the feet get if you stand well, it it installs confidence. If if you're moving around, if you're twitchy, if you're uh swinging your feet in the air, it automatically makes you look and feel nervous. Uh and so if you lock your feet in position, it um it gives you that confidence. And I think this, I think sometimes uh the thing about nervousness is that nervousness causes the very things that we don't want to happen in a public presentation, right? The the root cause of messing up, the root cause of forgetting lines, the root cause of all goes back to being nervous, and yet we get nervous that we're with the very thing that we're trying to avoid is caused by the nervousness of ending up in that situation. Uh, and so uh it's that there's something about going on stage and locking those feet in position, about kind of mentally being confident, uh, because that will avoid all the stuff that we're worried about happening. And there's a few things that we can talk around in terms of making that happen.

SPEAKER_00 15:51

So that's a very good technique for anyone who has a presentation of any kind, especially when you can't hide behind a podium and people can see all of you. I can remember the last time I did a session like that and I was facing the audience and there was nothing between us. So they could see, they could see that I was starting to shake. And I I know I know what you mean exactly. When you lock your legs in position and you shift yourself and you shift that weight and make sure it's really centered, then you feel more stable and then you are delivering from that stable place. But if I'm rocking and leaning on one hip or one leg more than the other, it just throws my balance off. It throws my energy off as well.

Create A Through Line People Recall

SPEAKER_00 16:30

Absolutely. So that's a great point. Now, what's the difference between being a good speaker and being a memorable speaker?

SPEAKER_01 16:39

So it's all very well delivering an amazing presentation. You you could deliver it with such confidence, you could deliver it with all sorts of uh all sorts of great advice or wisdom, but there's no point delivering it brilliantly if people go away and uh an hour later they've forgotten your main point, or a day later they've forgotten your main point? I wonder, it's it's a it's a humbling question to ask yourself, but I wonder if you gave a presentation today or I gave a presentation today, would people remember it in a couple of hours' time? Would people remember it in a day's time, a two days' time, uh, what about a week's time, or even a month's time? Uh how memorable do you do we think our own presentations are? Uh because it's all very well given brilliant presentations, but if no one can remember it, they're not gonna implement it, which defeats the object of ever giving it in the first place. Uh, and so I think we need to be thinking about, okay, how is this going to be memorable? When I when I do comedy and magic shows, I have a little thing. Uh, my my full show, if you like, I don't very often do my full show these days because I'm doing corporate events where I'm doing a snippet of it. But um, when I do my full show, uh my full kind of 45-minute show, I have a bit of a running gag or running joke where I get the audience to jump on their feet in response to everything I do and go, oh my day is like this, right? And it becomes a bit of an ongoing uh joke. And so right at the beginning, I warmed up the crowd by getting them to stand on their feet and going, oh my day is like this. And then all the way through, it becomes a running thing right through to the end, where it's uh again, the big finale is that they all jump up and go, oh my days like this. And uh it's great fun. But here's the here's the real magic of it. Uh obviously it works for me as a running gag, it works to keep the audience engaged and active, and it's participation, and all of all of those things are built in for the show. But the real magic of it is that at the end, people walk away saying one thing. What do you reckon it is? It's oh my days. And uh I'll I'll cut I'll go home and I'll arrive back. And the it if I check the venue or if I check the the client's social media, without a doubt, if they've posted anything about me, they'll have the hashtag Oh My Days written on. Uh if I even I've I've gone back to gigs a year later and they've still gone, Oh my days, it's Tom, like as a bit of a uh a bit of a greeting and a bit of a joke. Uh and so though it, I mean, that is typically in a in a keynote that might be called a through line. I mean, for me it's just a joke and it's an audience participation element. But for a for a presentation, it might be a kind of a through line. What is it if your presentation was to be summed up in one statement, uh, what would it be? Uh and do you repeat that enough in order for people to go away remembering it and quoting it? Could it be a hashtag if if they if is it engaging enough to be a hashtag uh on a social media post? Uh could it be uh again, the beauty of the Omade thing is it's a physical thing as much as it is a uh verbal thing. They're standing up, they're putting their hands on their cheeks. Uh it there's a laughter associated with it, there's humour with it, so that it makes it memorable. So I think it's really important. We start to kind of

Capture Attention With Props And Story

SPEAKER_01 20:00

strategically think how do we make this presentation memorable? It could be anything, it could be a story that you tell, uh, whether that's uh a moving story that really moves people, or whether it's a hilarious story that gets people laughing, it could be a prop. Uh I I when I was younger and starting out in the arts, I excuse me, I went on a course, a weekend course, uh learning how to uh entertain on the street, uh, or busking we call it here in the UK. And uh in Common Garden in London, they they quite have quite a lot of buskers, and some of them are magicians. So I went on a course with another magician and we learned how to busk. And I was really good at uh beginning to attract a crowd. So I we on the final day we went out into the streets of Wales, it was, and uh I was really good at attracting a crowd. Uh and then I got everyone around me, and and I I was finishing with a straitjacket escape. It was a traditional straitjacket, a leather straitjacket with buckles on the back and straps all across. And I remember the the tutor of the weekend saying to me, he said, Tom, he said, that straitjacket is brilliant at getting people's attention. Uh he said, if people see that straitjacket, they're not gonna walk away, they're gonna come and stand and watch your show. So he said, If I were you, don't just bring it on at the end when you're about to do it, because that it was my it was my finale of the performance. He said, Bring it on right at the beginning and start shouting about this straitjacket. So I was there shouting at the on the streets of Wales, live straight jacket escape here in the streets of Wales, and then people would gather. And I'd say it again halfway through, and more people would gather. And then towards the end, I'd say it again, and more people would gather. And then by this point, I had maybe 20, 30, 40, 50 people gathering in a big semicircle around me. Uh, and then I put it on, of course. And when when it's when I put it on and I start talking, uh, even more people are gathering because people are thinking, what on earth is a guy in Wales wearing a straitjacket? And uh I put it on and he said, Tom, if you're gonna, if you're gonna pitch anything, so if you want to ask for money or whatever it is, do it now while she's stood there in the straitjacket, because you've got so many people's attention and they're not gonna leave, they're not gonna go anywhere until until you've escaped from that straitjacket. So that's the point that I started saying, you know, if you want to put some money in the hat, if if you want to put a fiver in the hat, or I'm I'm not gonna do this until there's some money in the hat, uh, because people are gonna be locked in. And again, it's thinking about how do you, as a keynote speaker or as someone delivering any sort of presentation, small audience, big audience, how do you capture their attention right at the beginning and keep it until the very end? Uh and there's a whole load of creative methods of doing that, whether you tell half a story at the beginning and finish it at the end, whether you use a prop at the beginning and finish it at the end, whatever it might be, how do you provoke that intrigue, that interest, and that I can't move from this until this has been resolved, or until I hear the end?

SPEAKER_00 23:02

So you're playing into human psychology, our natural love for stories, um, also the cliffhangers that need to be resolved. And because we we need to know the ending. So we are emotionally invested in what happens to Tom, whether he escapes from the straitjacket or not. So that is

Confidence For Introverted Leaders And Teams

SPEAKER_00 23:20

suddenly one way to get them hooked. What about the introverted leaders who want to inspire their team? But they themselves struggle with confidence. It's like as soon as the spotlight is on them, they they they can't be themselves anymore. If they just feel really exposed.

SPEAKER_01 23:38

Sure. So um here's what I'd say is uh apply the same principle. If you're speaking to 10 or if you're speaking to a hundred, uh, apply the same principle. Turn up the notch of who you are just a little bit more. Uh and so you might feel like you're faking it, but but don't, but you're not faking it, remember, you're you're staying yourself, you're just amplifying the aspects of who you are. Um so if you're if you're feeling like because ultimately, if you if you've got a team, if you're leading a team, you have a skill set that has enabled you that position, right? You've you've got to the point where you can uh build that team. And so you have it in you to to lead that team. And that team are there because of you, and they're there because they want to, or in in some way or another, they're supporting you, they're backing you. And so I think in some ways, leading a team and presenting to your team is easier than presenting to a bunch of people because this this team is invested in you, that they're there to serve and support your work or whatever it is you're doing. And so uh what I'd say is again, turn up the notch a little bit, lead with confidence, knowing they're they're backing you. Uh, I remember when I've done comedy clubs um for a few years. Now, comedy clubs are probably the most uh I don't do loads of them, but um they're probably the most intimidating environments that I can go in. And I know that a typical comedy club has uh a bunch of students normally on the front row. Uh they might have been drinking quite heavily. Maybe they're not absolutely drunk by the time I get on, but they've been drinking and they are there with one with one mindset, and that is make me laugh. Prove to me that you're funny. Now, here's a little secret. I told you right at the beginning that I was slap bang introvert, extrovert. I'll tell you what, nothing brings out the introvert concerns and worries and stresses than standing in the wing of a comedy club looking at the front row, thinking, oh my days. Because from a social perspective, a comedy club is my worst nightmare. It's full of normally extroverted people, uh big, kind of noisy, oh, kind of uh noisy crowds that if socially I would absolutely, oh no, it's not it's not me at all. I would drown in introvertedness. And I don't mean that, I don't mean to make that sound like a weakness. I mean uh just it's not my environment. Uh but in when I'm in the wing, there's a mindset shift. And and that might, and it is easier because I'm on stage, but you can apply this to the role of a leader as well. I go into that mindset and I go, right, I'm here to make them laugh. I own this room. At the end of the day, I'm the one on stage. And I don't want to abuse this, but it that there is a reality that someone on stage or even someone in leadership, there is a bit of a power dynamic happening there. Because at the end of the day, that front row, if they get a bit lively and they start heckling me, and I'm the one that could, in theory, humiliate or embarrass them, right? Uh no, that's not my approach. It's not my approach, and I don't necessarily endorse that approach. And and the same applies to leadership. I don't necessarily I'm not endorsing uh poor leadership behaviors, but you have a you have an author, what I'm trying to get to is that you have an authority, you have a uh a position that says uh follow me. And I you can use that for good or you can abuse it, right? Um and so obviously I'm endorsing that we use it for good, but what I'm saying is feel that confidence in the position that you have. And if you if you enter that arena, if you enter that stage or that uh boardroom with a confidence that in in your role and where you've got to, that team will follow. So I know when I go on stage at that comedy club, as long as I go on with energy and I go on, not fearful of that front row, but uh they're normally the first people I engage with. Uh because if I can get them on board, the rest of the room is easy. Okay. Uh and it's the same with leading your team. If if you don't feel nervous, uh in some ways, fake the confidence. As you said earlier about the feet thing. Lock your feet in and deliver with confidence. Because once you've got them, once once you know that that audience is on board, you'll you will feel the confidence that so far you've been faking. Does that make sense?

SPEAKER_00 28:14

What I'm hearing is you have to act as if, as if you're already confident. And I like how you've borrowed, you've encouraged the nervous introvert to borrow their sense of leadership, sense of ownership temporarily from the role itself. So if in the moment I'm extremely nervous, the next best thing I can do myself to form myself is to remember why I'm there. I'm there because I've been put in this role, this role of leadership. I owe it to my team to lead them, to help them, you know, in the best possible way with this whatever presentation I'm doing. It's not just about me, it's also about them. So if I own my role well, if I do my part well, then they get to benefit as well because I'm bringing them with me. We're all working together as a team. So therefore, I'm invested in their success and they are also invested in my success. So therefore, it's no longer about me. And I think that actually takes some of the pressure off a person. When we realize, hang on, we're all we're all on the same side, really. It's not about, you know, people trying to bring me down or me, you know, feeling um humiliated or feeling small or anything. Actually, I also see another parallel, and this is that the quiet achiever is then stepping up to become the quiet warrior. They're recognizing in the moment, this is an opportunity for me to exert and to practice and to demonstrate what leadership looks like. So let me do that with integrity. Let me do that in a way that's genuine, that's in the service of you know the project, the group, and so on for everyone's benefit. So I'm not gonna shrink, I'm gonna take up space, I'm gonna say the thing that I'm here to say and do it impactfully, do it uh effectively, and uh fulfill the goals of why I'm speaking. So I I really uh appreciate uh you're making that distinction.

SPEAKER_01 30:07

Yeah, absolutely. I think you you have to uh tap into the confidence that is there, even if you don't feel it. Uh the the very fact you're in your the position that you're in uh should give you enough to fake that confidence. And and as I said at the beginning, nervousness causes the very problems that we are trying to avoid. And so if we can fake that confidence for a few moments, once you see that that audience is engaging with you or that that team actually does believe in you and that team is following you and serving you, then uh it will give you that confidence to carry on, and that those nervousness will drift away. Uh so you have to walk on with confidence, uh, walk on to or into that meeting or onto that stage with the confidence that you want them to see. I always say the the energy that you bring is the same energy that the audience gives back to you. If you walk on, or if you walk into that room kind of nervous and timid and shying away, that team is going to lack the confidence in you to deliver what you've delivered. If you walk on and say, here's who I am, and here's where we're going, and this is the vision, or and you walk on with with the confidence, even if you're not feeling it, that team will soon catch on to what it is that you've got. Uh, and then those the nervousness that you had will slip away because you you'll you'll sense it straight away, you'll sense they're with you.

SPEAKER_00 31:35

I think I've heard it expressed another way, and that is that we are responsible for the energy we bring to the room. So I think this is us being conscious, intentional, and uh taking the opportunity that's been given to us and using that uh leadership, that presence, that um opportunity for communication in in a way that's reflective of

Internalise Not Memorise, Final Encouragement

SPEAKER_00 31:55

our ethos as well. So, what is one simple shift that any speaker or any presenter can make this week to boost their stage presence, Tom?

SPEAKER_01 32:05

Okay, let me leave you with this. Uh I always say a lot of speakers, even in even in team meetings, I've seen it done in team meetings where people will will prepare so hard for a team meeting or or or a stage keynote presentation and they will script it word for word. I want to say to you, scripting is good, but only in the planning. Uh, once you get past the initial bit, throw the script away. I always say don't memorize, but internalize. And so, and this applies to every stage of communication, whether it's in a team meeting with 10 people or a keynote to a thousand people, uh, get rid of the script as early as you can. And but what I mean by that is this is that uh a script is useful. When you're beginning, when you're starting to think about the presentation that you're giving, again, whatever context, uh, writing a script is useful because it allows you to think through exactly what you want to say. And so when I when I'm developing new material, I might write a script. Do I ever use it? Rarely. Uh, because all it is that the scripting process is just to get it in my head exactly what I'm where I'm going and and the kind of shift or the or the journey that I want to take that audience on. If you try and memorize that script, I think you cause yourself more anxiety, more worry because you're trying to memorize. Oh, what what came after that? What what what was I trying to say here? What line did I say here? No, there might be one or two lines in a keynote that you think, oh, that line I need to be really careful about. I need to get that, I need I need to say that really clearly. So I'm gonna say it exactly as I've written it. But broadly, you don't need to do that, you don't need to memorize every line exactly as it is, as it was written. What you need to do is you need to internalize the content of that keynote or that presentation. Because uh when we have a conversation at the weekend, this isn't scripted, I haven't come to this uh podcast with the exact wording of your questions and then thought through answers. Uh, but what I've got is I've got a bucket load of stories and points and ideas that I've not not memorized, but I've just internalized. They're up here, they're in here. Uh, and the same should go with your presentation. Uh whatever you're delivering, again, a presentation to your team of 10 or three, or whether it's a thousand people, uh, the content should come from within you. And you should have uh in your preparation, internalize that so well that it doesn't come out the same every time. The core points might do, you might have one or two sentences that are important to be really clear about, but generally it can come out a whole number of different ways, but it will always be clear, it will always be uh understood, it will always be in a logical order because you've internalized it in the right way. Uh, and the only way to internalize it is by going through it again and again and again and again and again. We don't script our everyday conversations, but it happens naturally because we're we're retelling stories of our experience, of what we've encountered again and again. So uh don't memorize anything because that means you're putting pressure on yourself to try and think through the wording or the order or the whatever it is, gives you something else to worry about. Instead, internalize it. I all means shape it and think about the order and the and the creativity and all the stuff that we've mentioned already, but internalize it rather than memorize it. And honestly, I know it sounds counterproductive because the nervousness will amongst us will be thinking, but Tom, if I don't have my script, then I might lose my way and then tragedy happens. Actually, what you'll find is you'll be more confident in the long run if you prepare well.

SPEAKER_00 35:52

So it's not about what happens in the moment, it's about continually and consistently showing up, practicing, building up that archive of knowledge that's going to stand you in good stead regardless of what happens on the day. So your internal confidence is coming from a much deeper place. It's not about performing, it's not about a script. You're not basing it on whether you know your cognitive capacity is at 100% on that particular day, but you're drawing on deeper reserves than that. Really appreciate that. So that's important for our introverts and quiet achievers to really take on, as well as your points about amplifying the presence, about locking your feet in position and being really grounded in your physiology when you make that presentation. And whether it's on stage, whether it's in a boardroom, and regardless of whether you're speaking to 10 or a thousand, the principles are still the same. You're still communicating, you're still adjusting your mindset, you're still practicing, you're also recognizing that it's not about being perfect, but it's about effective communication. It's about having a great time, it's about communicating an important message, it's about leading, it's about inspiring other people and being of service as well. So I really appreciate you, Tom, coming on the show today and sharing your wisdom and your expertise with us.

SPEAKER_01 37:16

No, thank you, Serena. It's been a real joy. And uh what I want to just leave you with is just an encouragement to introverts and extra to introverts and quiet warriors and quiet achievers. Uh, do not feel that you're at the kind of bottom of the pile, but instead use what you have and amplify it so that your voice can be heard in the authentic way that it is. Uh be encouraged in what who you are rather than discouraged.

SPEAKER_00 37:41

Oh, thank you so much on behalf of all our listeners. That is such a wonderful encouragement and a beautiful way to wrap up this conversation. We'll make sure to have your social media links and your website in the show notes so that people can connect with you and find out more about what you do.

SPEAKER_01 37:56

Amazing. Thank you so much, Serena.

SPEAKER_00 37:58

Thank you. If you're ready to be seen without having to perform extroversion, the Visible Introvert Academy is your next step. Be visible and impactful without pretending to be who you're not. Link is in the show notes. See you on the next episode. I'm so grateful that you're here today. If you found this content valuable, please share it on your social media channels and subscribe to the show on your favorite listening platform. Together we can help more introverts thrive. To receive more uplifting content like this, connect with me on Instagram at Serenaloo, Quiet Warrior Coach. Thank you for sharing your time and your energy with me. See you on the next episode.